How I'm planning my self-employed maternity leave as a second time mom

We’re officially in the 2 month countdown until baby boy arrives, and I’ve been doing a lot of planning and strategizing around how I want to approach taking leave from my business this second time around.

You can read about how I planned my first maternity leave here

What I learned from my first self employed “maternity leave” and postpartum experience

The biggest challenge I faced the first time around was simply inexperience. I was having my first baby and literally didn’t know what it would be like to be a new mom! Would I want to work less or take a break to spend more time with my baby? I assumed I wouldn’t want to put my infant in full time daycare (flexibility was the main reason I started my own business in the first place) but how much childcare would I need? How do you even find childcare? How would I make enough money to pay for all our new expenses and still take care of myself? 

All I could do was see what my friends and peers were going through as they had babies, and absorb all the advice I was getting from all sides.

The overarching message I was absorbing was “the baby years go by so fast, and you will never regret spending more time with your baby! You will want to be present and soak it all up.”

So, I didn’t really make any set-in-stone postpartum plans for childcare or work, and decided to just see what I wanted and needed after I had my baby.

Regarding my business, my life coach and spiritual mentor at the time advised me to drop everything and focus on building up my 1:1 client base because with the type of work I do, it would be possible to take client calls with a baby. 

But I completely ignored her :P and went on to attempt way too many goals, projects, and launches- ultimately spreading myself too thin and making little progress, which just compounded my stress and feelings of overwhelm.

Ah, the curse of the easily inspired multi-passionista!

THE REALITY OF MY EXPERIENCE:

After my husband went back to work (back in the pre-pandemic days when he commuted to an office), I was left all alone all day with a wailing nugget, felt completely alone, and sunk into postpartum depression with the isolation and brain numbing monotony.

Re-learning how to do basic things as a new mom like getting out of the house or driving somewhere with my baby felt completely insurmountable. 

WHAT I LEARNED

What I’ve learned through experience about crafting your own maternity leave as a solo entrepreneur can be summed up by what I’m calling “the 3 S’s:”

Support, Simplify, and Systematize!

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1. Set Up Support!

If you only do one thing to prepare your life and business for having a baby, THIS IS IT.

You are going to need so much support, and that is completely normal! It doesn’t mean you’re weak or a failure. We live in a culture (in the US) that was literally founded on freedom and independence, but the fact is that you can’t do everything on your own especially after having a baby, and you shouldn’t expect that of yourself.

Think about:

• Business support, whether that means childcare or coaching for some structure and accountability

• Postpartum support (mental and physical - think psychotherapy, pelvic floor physical therapy, lactation help if you’re breastfeeding, meal trains, who is going to clean your bathroom or teach you how to use your baby wrap or breast pump etc)

• Support for navigating the identity shifts and how your life is going to dramatically change overnight from maiden to mother (especially if it’s your first baby)

• Support with your older kids if it’s not your first baby

• Support so you can continue to prioritize 1:1 time with your partner

Last fall I hired a business coach and joined a mastermind to give myself some support and it was the best personal and business decision. I’ve already joined the next round of the mastermind so I know I’ll be supported when I come back from maternity leave later this summer. 

I know that if I try to get things done on my own, they just won’t happen and I don’t want to feel like I”m free floating in the cloudy chaos of postpartum.

On the personal side, I’m also getting established with a perinatal therapist for mental and emotional support.

I also need to acknowledge that it’s been four years since my first baby rodeo and we are fortunate to be in a completely different life situation. I’ve been intentionally creating my “village” or system of support ever since becoming a mom, and our household has privileges that many don’t.

• Ben works from home, is a true co-parent and partner, and gets 3 months of paid family leave. Yes I fully appreciate this and him!

• Thomas is now a semi-independent preschooler and will continue going to school 3 full days each week.

• We live 35 minutes from my mother in law and have made a few babysitter connections so I’ll be able to have support with the baby when I need it. 

• I’m taking midwife approved medication for my anxiety which has been helping me feel much more emotionally and mentally stable.

• And my business has been established for four more years than before! I have much more experience and clarity in what I do and my long term goals.

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2. Simplify

Over the last year I’ve been slowly letting go of extra side projects and smaller offers in my business to focus exclusively on my 1:1 coaching for the foreseeable future.

Instead of viewing having a baby as the end of life as I know it, I’m taking a longer perspective when it comes to my work (since I assume I will be doing this decades!) and thinking more in terms of a 3-5 year strategic plan vs. “how much can I accomplish in this calendar year.”

Are there programs, offerings, and group experiences I want to create and launch? Absolutely! I love bringing women together and would espeiclly love to do in-person womens circle at some point. I would love to launch a podcast and run another round of Wild Synchronicity or launch my Back to Biz with Baby group program.

AND I WILL!

Just not this year ;) 

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3. Systematize 

My loose timeline is to take 8 weeks off work, then pick back up 1:1 client calls and work a few hours a week once we feel pretty established in our routine. I’m not going to launch anything new or take on projects for the rest of the year, just continue the momentum I’ve built in the past several months. 

Intentional work I have been doing over the past 6 months to get into a flexible and realistic work flow:

• clarifying my niche, audience, and offerings

• relationship building, in person and online

• content batching

• writing a regular blog/newsletter

• honing my social media strategy

• launching a new free offer with automated emails that nurture my audience and lead into my paid coaching offer

• establishing set times and days of the week to take client calls

• creating a “content bank” of copy, posts, and emails I can send

As someone who is easily inspired and has “shiny object syndrome” and endless creative ideas, it is super super super hard for me to let go and simplify.

But I shifted my mindset.

Instead of looking at what I am missing out on or sacrificing, I’m looking at what’s most important to me right now, and giving myself lots of permission slips:

To have low energy.

To work less.

To have more time and space to prepare for the baby and enjoy spending time with my firstborn in our last weeks as a family of 3.

To make space for fun hobbies and projects like decorating our house… embroidery… sewing for fun… instead of feeling like I need to cram as many work projects into my life as possible to prep for leave.

The thing about taking a leave is that you will come back!

It’s ok to save some work for later if you don’t get everything done.

It’s ok to schedule projects, goals, and ideas out on your timeline, even years in the future.

Permission to be present in the moment.

Permission to change your mind, and change your plans if it turns out you need or want something different!

Having a baby might be the end of life as you know it, but it’s the beginning of a whole new chapter that is going to surprise, delight, and stretch you in ways you can’t even fathom right now.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. As painful as it is for me to accept this… as a Type A control freak who strives on structure and plans… maybe this is an invitation to go with the flow a little more!

When I was pregnant with my first baby, one of my biggest fears was how I would manage to continue the work I loved as a coach and creative entrepreneur while also being the present mama I wanted to be.

It felt impossible because it was all so new and I didn’t see many other people or role models living this “middle path” that’s not really being a stay at home mom, but also not being a full time working mom.

Our brains automatically go to Worst Case Scenario thinking, so we have to choose positive possibilities instead.

So I created this affirmation:

What if…

✨Having a baby is the BEST THING that could happen to my life and business✨

And honestly, it will be true if you decide to make it come true.

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I know that planning for a baby and maternity leave as a creative business owner or solo entrepreneur feels completely overwhelming, which is why I love doing my part to support women who are transitioning into motherhood or balancing your creative purpose driven work in the world with your calling to be a mom.

If you want some help brainstorming what YOU need for your maternity leave, you can click here to schedule a totally free 30 minute call with me. I’d love to help you feel more empowered, organized, and confident heading into this new exciting season!

xo Anna

How to feel more balanced as a mom

When I talk with other moms about their biggest struggles and what we need the most, we usually come back to one common theme:

Feeling "balanced”

But what does that look or feel like in real life?

It’s a myth that balance as a mom means giving 100% to everyone and everything.

Because when we inevitably drop a ball, we feel like a guilty failure. Hello, impossible!!

In reality, work-life balance is a constantly moving target, not a destination.

And it’s *not* about spending an equal amount of time and energy on everything.

It’s a continuous, daily process of finding an equilibrium that allows us to feel the most fulfilled so we can thrive and function at our best.

To me, feeling my best is not a solo job.

It involves the support of my partner, family, and community. It also requires some structural support like creating a schedule that allows space for play and rest, as well as time to focus on my work and myself.

But ultimately balance is a state of being.

Underneath the ups and downs of normal life, it’s knowing and feeling like I am capable and competent to handle challenges, having the capacity and time to focus on the things that I’m most passionate about, and being able to work towards long range goals or dreams.

What do you need to feel balanced?

If you want some help in defining what you need, let me be your life coach this week! ✨🤗

Click here​​ to sign up for my free 5 Day Glow Up series, for creative moms.

xo Anna

Hey fellow mom!

Are you feeling burned out, overwhelmed, mentally zonked from a long winter of endless viruses?

Not to mention coming out of the the black vortex of pandemic parenting. YEAHH. Blah.

Let’s flip things around and get your inner glow back!

In the FREE 5 Day Glow Up I will empower you with:

• more positive energy and pleasure WITHIN the daily mom grind

• permission to put yourself first, without feeling guilty

• self-trust and confidence in the decisions you make for your family

• reconnection with your partner (yes the romance is still available I promise!)

• an introduction to your inner Queen Archetype

What it's like to have a second miscarriage... after a healthy pregnancy and baby

Just FYI that this post will contain triggering content around miscarriage and first trimester pregnancy loss, and also will be pretty graphic so if you don’t want to read about bodily functions or are currently pregnant/sensitive to the topic of loss you’ve been warned! Also, I am not a medical expert, this is just my personal experience. Don’t take anything I say as medical advice, duh.

Never imagined I’d be saying this again, but a couple weeks ago I had another miscarriage.

I want to share my experience to normalize this horrible yet super common experience, and help end the stigma that keeps women feeling isolated and alone. Writing it out is also really helpful to my own healing process.

Additionally, I’ve found that it’s really hard to find information online around what’s “normal” for your body to do during an actual experience of pregnancy loss, and our bodies can do some really weird shit. 

It’s even harder to find information for having multiple NON-consecutive miscarriages. It turns out that every time you’re pregnant, you’re back to the same statistical probability of loss, regardless of how many healthy babies you’ve had before.

I am doing well, now that I’ve been able to process and make it to the other side of the physical process.

But it still sucked big time.

The biggest blow was that I just never expected this to happen again.

I lost my first pregnancy in 2018, and it was completely devastating.

I went on to have a healthy, uncomplicated, full term pregnancy and delivered a perfect healthy baby boy in 2019. 

I assumed I’d already had my fair share of “bad luck” and wouldn’t have any more issues in baby making. Well, sometimes life has other plans.

Trying for Baby #2

We always talked about having two kids, but after recovering from the newborn stage and then going through the pandemic, it took me until Thomas was about 2.5 before I finally felt ready to try again. By “ready” I mean, I didn’t start stress-crying from the mere thought of going through the newborn stage again.

I love being a mom, I love babies, I love my child more than anything but parenting a baby/toddler is not my favorite thing in the world. No one really admits that because we’re afraid of being judged or feel guilty but it’s ok if you don’t love every second of parenting. This sh*t is all-consuming hard!

So anyways.

We decided to go for it, and I ended up getting pregnant a lot faster than I anticipated. After everything we went through to have Thomas (we’re lucky not to deal with fertility issues, but it still took a year of trying/loss/trying to get pregnant with him), I was really happy and thought hey, maybe this time will just be easy! 

Insert dramatic voice…

IT WAS NOT TO BE.

From the beginning I was waiting for the first trimester nausea and food aversions to hit me, but they never really did. The biggest and immediate symptom I felt was a raise in my resting heart rate and it took longer for me to recover after a run. I was extra fatigued and had a little bit of nausea if I got too hungry, but not to the level that I experienced with Thomas. I had lighter symptoms with my first pregnancy that ended with loss so I was a tiny bit on edge but not really concerned since everyone told me “every pregnancy is different,” so I considered myself lucky.

Here we go again…

In mid-July, my parents came up together to visit us for the first time since we moved to Michigan last fall. My dad and I were registered to run a 10k trail race Saturday morning with some friends that I’d been training for.

That Friday I hit 7 weeks of pregnancy, and that evening I noticed a tinge of pink blood on the toilet paper when I went to the bathroom.

I had an immediate and intense sense of de ja vu back to my first pregnancy, and my heart dropped through the floor. Spotting can be normal and safe during the first trimester, but I just knew this was not right.

I spent the rest of the evening completely freaking out on the inside and feeling like I was trapped in a living nightmare. I told my mom what was going on (we hadn’t planned on telling our parents about the pregnancy until later) and by the time I went to bed I gave my anxiety and stress up to God and felt a little calmer. My main concern was making it through the 10k the next morning.

The next morning the spotting was still really light and I didn’t have any other symptoms, so I attempted to swallow a little food and drove out to the ski hill where the event was being held with my dad. 

Regular Anna would have loved the trail run. We ran up and down hills in the beautiful woods for six miles, then had to climb all the way up the ski hill and back down. Pregnant/potentially miscarrying Anna felt like she was going to pass out… but I made it and actually finished within 30 seconds of my personal goal time, ha.

I spent the rest of the day resting and recovering from the race, and Sunday we said bye to my parents. I started to feel some cramping and the bleeding got heavier, more like a period.

First thing on Monday morning I called the OB office where I was scheduled to have my first appointment in mid-August to cancel that appointment and let them know I was pretty sure I was having a miscarriage. The awkward part was that I hadn’t established myself at the new office yet or come in to confirm the pregnancy, so there were some communication errors between myself and the front desk receptionist, and I don’t think the assistants or midwives were actually informed I was having issues.

(Lesson learned: if you know you want kids in the near future, establish yourself at an OB/GYN as soon as you move to a new location so they have you in the system!)

Since I had been through this rodeo before and thought I knew what to expect, was at peace with losing the pregnancy by this point, and it didn’t seem like a medical emergency to me (in terms of bleeding or pain), I figured I’d just wait at home until the pregnancy tissue passed.

But it didn’t… 

Getting diagnosed with a missed miscarriage

I just continued to have medium bleeding and off and on cramping. So on Tuesday I called back and had some blood work ordered, which came back indicating my progesterone was low but hcg (pregnancy hormone) was still high.

So on Wednesday I had to call back AGAIN and waited all day to hear back from a midwife, who was able to schedule me for an ultrasound with an OB on Thursday morning.

This entire week was just incredibly stressful since I assumed the pregnancy was a goner, but still wasn’t positive what was actually happening. Someone close to me recently had an ectopic pregnancy so I was paranoid of ruling that out too.

Finally Thursday morning rolled around and I had a great experience with the OB. I chose this practice based on the amazing reviews and the fact that it was a joint OB/midwives group (which I had and loved with Thomas’ pregnancy and delivery) so it was a relief to finally get past the admin and into the providers’ sphere. 

Through ultrasound we confirmed there was a gestational sack and mass of tissue remaining in my uterus, but no heartbeat or sign of life which was a relief to me and basically what I expected to find. With my first miscarriage there was still a weak heartbeat visible on the u/s the morning I passed it, which made the experience extra hard and traumatizing. This time, it didn’t feel like I was losing an actual baby, just an nonviable pregnancy. I know it all sounds horrible, but I was just so determined to have a less negative experience this second time around and maintain as positive a mindset as possible.

More positive takeaways in consulting the OB were that my fertility is not a problem, and Thomas is the best evidence that my body can create a full term healthy pregnancy and baby so there are no major underlying genetic abnormalities. Also, my uterus is really good at sticking onto whatever it thinks is a baby… it never relaxed in between contractions while in labor with T for 14 hours so just further confirmation I have a powerhouse uterus. Yay? Lolz.

So I was officially diagnosed with a “missed miscarriage,” which means the pregnancy stopped developing but my body didn’t catch the loss and was still hanging onto the fetal tissue and producing pregnancy hormones.

Ultimately my OB thought it was another unfortunate case of random bad luck (statistically it’s estimated that up to 25% of pregnancies end in loss, especially once you’re 35 or older which I am now). 

I was prescribed four rounds of Cytotec, a medication that triggers the uterus to contract, told to pound the ibuprofen and expect the period from hell, assured that I’d pass everything within 12 hours, warned to go to the ER if I started hemorrhaging blood, and sent on my way. Woo!

Luckily Ben works from home and had a lighter day so he was able to watch Thomas while I was taking care of myself (side note: it is so hard to lose a pregnancy while also parenting an energetic toddler who has no clue what’s going on… I literally don’t know how women do this if they don’t have support or time off from work… will not tangent down my womens’ rights and healthcare soap box at this time…) so I went to the pharmacy to pick up the Cytotec (had to confirm with the pharmacist that I was not using it to give myself an abortion before he’d fill it *eyeroll*) and some other essentials, then came home to take the first dose and set myself up on the couch with a heating pad.

I took a round of the meds every 6 hours for 24 hours.

And waited.

And waited.

They triggered really intense cramps, not just uterine cramps but my entire lower half of my torso below my stomach felt like it was getting punched from the inside.

Sitting around, waiting to pass the pregnancy tissue, and having no clue how bad or bloody things were going to get, made for a pretty horrible night.

Since I’d been through it before I kind of knew what to expect, but I’m not sure if that made the anticipation easier or worse.

I barely slept that night between the stress and the pain, but watching the latest season of Love Island UK got me through.

HIGHLY recommend this show if you are going through something tough! Last time I watched Say Yes to the Dress, which is also great. Something completely unrelated to having babies, but related to other people going after their hopes and dreams, with a dose of enough juicy drama and colorful personalities to take your mind off reality.

I also recommend telling a close inner circle friend or family member or two so you can have someone to be your support outlet through the process, especially anyone who has gone through the same thing or has the emotional capacity to hold you through your darkest times, because it is just so freaking lonely and isolating. And your partner can love on you and go through their own personal grief journey but they will never truly feel what it’s like from the inside.

I finally went to sleep around 4am, woke up at 7am to take my third round of Cytotec and passed a relatively small clomp of tissue when I went to the bathroom that looked like what I’d seen on the ultrasound screen. By small, I mean around 1.5”-2” circular clot with no extra bleeding. Much less graphic than I was anticipating. 

It was honestly so anticlimactic I was almost disappointed. Like I just went through all of this, for that?! Kind of like when you’re a kid and there’s a tornado siren and you pack your favorite toys into your pillowcase and hang out in the basement, and then there’s no storm and you have to go right back to bed.

By this time it was Friday, a full week since I’d started bleeding.

I continued to have really bad stomach ache from the Cytotec and no appetite all day, and couldn’t sleep again due to the cramping but the bleeding was still light to medium. 

On Saturday my stomach started to feel better and around 11am I passed another significant tissue clomp. I also had some pretty bad diarrhea which I assumed was a side effect of the medication and all the lower body cramping.

On Sunday I finally had no more stomach cramps, hooray!

And then I emerged, a beautiful butterfly! J/k. This is getting a little repetitive and sounding like the Very Hungry Caterpillar.

By Tuesday all the bleeding had completely stopped. The abruptness surprised me after how long and drawn out everything had been up until that point.

The rest of the week I felt more like myself than I had in a few months, as I’m assuming the rest of the pregnancy hormones cleared out and I got my energy and mental clarity back again. First trimester sucks!

OMG IT NEVER ENDS

AND THEN…

Over the following weekend, I started having weird stretchy pinkish discharge, and uterine cramps that turned into more of the bad lower stomach cramps. Nooooooo. I had another 24-48 hours of the exact same post-cytotec symptoms, intestinal pain and diarrhea, to the point that I wondered if I had caught a GI virus? It was weird because it was the exact same but it had been 10 days since the miscarriage so it couldn’t have been side effects to the meds.

All I can think of is that my uterus was doing its little “last stand” to clear out ANY residual gunk. 

A similar thing happened to me the exact same time (10 days) after my first miscarriage too, it just felt different. That time was completely debilitating uterine cramps, with no bleeding but I was still passing some brown tissue.

This time, there was no bleeding or tissue, but another few rounds of lovely diarrhea, then I had a little of that post-GI bug feeling like your digestive system is burned out and hurts after eating any food.

I warned you this would be graphic! I want to share anything just in case anyone else has had a similar experience because having a miscarriage is such a unique and WTF thing.

At the time of writing this, it has been two full weeks since I took the cytotec and I finally feel completely back to normal, physically and energetically.

If the weird cramping returns I will call the doctor, otherwise I’m going to wait until my follow up appointment in a couple weeks to discuss everything and get more blood work done to confirm the hcg is cleared and my menstrual cycle is getting back to business.

If everything goes like it did last time, I expect to get an actual period from hell in a couple weeks, then back to regular cycles.

How I’m doing, and what’s next

Since I don’t feel like I need any more time to grieve or emotionally process, we will get back on the TTC wagon after I get my period back, and pray for no more bad luck.

Honestly my main emotions right now are peace in this journey, gratitude that I can enjoy the rest of summer being not-pregnant, and annoyance that this happened to me again and that I will have to go through the first trimester again for the FOURTH time, without having more babies to show for it. Blah.

Losing your very first pregnancy is extra hard because you don’t know if your body is capable of getting pregnant again or even having a baby, so knowing that my first loss resulted in Thomas (who is the best!) makes me really really optimistic and faithful that our next baby will be worth the wait.

What I learned

Every pregnancy is different, every miscarriage is different.

It still amazes me what our bodies are capable of!

I’ve learned there are 3 main types of miscarriage, kind of like what I think of as the 3 different types of birth.

-You can miscarry “naturally” which is called expectant management (like waiting for your body to go into labor on its own). This is what happened with my first loss.

-You can take medication which is called medical management (like being induced if baby is being stubborn or medically necessary). This is common if you have a missed miscarriage where your uterus doesn’t realize it’s hanging onto a non-viable embryo, like I did this second time.

-You can get surgery with a D&C (kinda like having a c-section). This can happen if your body doesn’t naturally expel all the tissue, or if you have a missed miscarriage farther along in your pregnancy.

I mean obviously it is not like childbirth at all… but it kind of is.

You don’t have to push a 6-10 pound turkey out of your vagina, and recovery is probably faster than with a full term baby.

But a miscarriage is more than just a “bad period.”

There is extra gestational tissue in your uterus that will be released, which can range anywhere from mildly gross to extremely traumatic depending on how far along you are and your personal experience. 

And even if it’s the early stages of pregnancy, your body is still pumping full of extra hormones and those hormones will crash afterwards so you might have mood swings (on top of the full spectrum of emotions around loss), energy changes, even weird gunk in your nipples especially if you’ve breastfed before. 

There is no right or wrong way to FEEL about a pregnancy loss. You might feel relieved, happy, sad, disappointed, or need months or years to grieve. Most likely you’ll feel a mix of emotions. Your partner will go through their own process. It is very helpful to see a therapist to process it all, or at least share with a trusted friend.

From a physical standpoint, anything weird you experience is “normal” and most likely completely fine unless you are experiencing an ectopic pregnancy, have extreme pain and/or gushing blood and need the ER. Good times.

If you experience spotting at any point in pregnancy, call your medical provider ASAP (don’t hesitate to use the pager if it’s a weekend or the office is closed) and ask to have blood work ordered and an ultrasound as soon as possible. I wish I had advocated for myself a little harder right away just for the peace of mind it would have saved me.

I truly believe that early pregnancy loss is not your body failing you, but rather your embryo “failing” and your body doing its job.

Remember that at least 15-20% of pregnancies end in loss. Many times before a person even realizes they’re pregnant.

Sometimes there are things we can do to support our hormones and bodies in holding a healthy pregnancy but most of the time it’s just random genetic abnormalities that you have zero control over.

Giving up control is hardest part of trying to grow a family. Each healthy baby is truly a miracle, it’s insane when you really look at what has to happen.

But through the process we can grow so much if we choose to see it as a spiritual journey of surrender, faith, trust, and love.

Your body didn’t fail you - it is protecting you. Your body is wise and strong. Your healthy baby is on their way. Your family will be complete in perfect timing. Your life is unfolding according to divine plan held with love by the creator of the universe. 

I can’t wait to meet our future baby when they decide it’s time to arrive. I know they will be 💯 worth the wait, just like Thomas was. And every day until then I am working hard to shift my anxiety brain to live in love and not fear. 

xo Anna

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