What I learned and experienced through our 20 month breastfeeding journey (PART ONE)

I took this photo during one of our last nursing sessions since I knew the end was coming soon

Thomas turned two yesterday, so I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on how we’ve both grown over the last couple of years.

Our babies grow up so fast, but we grow just as much in motherhood so it feels like a very personal birthday for me too!

We ended up nursing right up until he was almost 20 months old this past spring, and now that we are on the other side I wanted to share our breastfeeding journey and all its ups and downs, as well as all the things I wished I had known going into it.

My overall philosophy is that the best way to feed your baby is what is the most mutually beneficial to your baby AND you. Whether you nurse, exclusively pump, formula, supplement, combo feed, have to triple feed or tube feed, donor milk, whatever.  In a few months they’ll start eating real food and in a couple years all they will want are bagels and goldfish crackers. Like, literally. 

So drop any expectations or plans that don’t align with your current reality, especially during a season where your mental health is probably the most fragile it will ever be. Keeping a baby alive is freaking HARD. But it also goes really fast, so take things one day at a time and you will get through it. If you’re struggling, this won’t last forever, you will sleep again and get your life back eventually, and there is light at the end!

And breastfeeding was 100% the hardest part of my first few months of motherhood. At the same time, it was also one of my favorite things I’ve ever done and I would go back and do it all over again especially having the perspective that I can trust my body and it does get easier.

I always knew that barring some unforeseen extenuating circumstance I wanted to exclusively breastfeed. We took the childbirth and breastfeeding class, learned what we could, but it’s the kind of thing that you can’t really prepare for until you’re in it.

What I didn’t consider while doing my own research is that breastfeeding is not just something you do. It’s a partnership. And while you can read all the books, take all the classes, ta to all the mom friends, ultimately you are just 50% of the equation and guess what? Your baby is born with a suck reflex but while they’re hanging out in their watery uterus bubble they are NOT learning how to survive, sleep, or eat outside the womb. Once they’re born it’s a pretty rough shock to their tiny systems and now you have to learn together how to keep yourselves alive.

It’s a steep learning curve!

After Thomas was born, I went through a really intense hormone crash and subsequent wild mood swings. Breastfeeding was the hardest part of my postpartum experience because I was figuring it out, didn’t know if i could trust my milk supply, and the stakes felt really high. 

What I would do differently if/when there’s a next time:

Obviously a lot of things you have to learn through experience but the more you can prep beforehand the better. I know that every baby is different too, but I would feel a lot more confident going into things next time just having an idea of what to expect! 

Here is what I’d do next time:

-Arrange lactation consultant + postnatal therapy support in advance

-Not be afraid of formula. We ended up not using it because I was terrified of messing up my supply or getting T dependent on the bottle but now that I know I have great supply, I would totally ask Ben to do 1-2 formula bottles at night if I was at my breaking point and needed sleep.

-Know how to use my pump and have a little station all set up. It took me a long time to figure it out because it’s a big learning curve… ask a mom friend to show you how it works in advance! I had a second hand Spectra pump and loved it, although I did need to get different sized flanges to fit me. I also loved using a Haakaa to catch letdown and build up a freezer stash, but because of the pandemic we never even used all of the frozen milk because I was just constantly with T.

-Keep the house stocked with ALLTHESNACKS! Juice boxes, dried fruit and trail mix were my best friends.

-Stock up on gel pads and know to ask for a prescription for All Purpose Nipple Ointment (APNO) aka gold, the regular balms did nothing for me when I needed healing

-Schedule an evaluation with a pediatric dentist AT THE FIRST SIGN of a possible tongue tie

The biggest challenges

We went through the hardest part during the first six weeks. Everything new you have to learn postpartum feels 1000000x harder and more overwhelming. 

-latch issues

-nipple pain because of latch issues

-he was born over a weekend so I was discharged before I got to meet with the hospital lactation consultant, then we weren’t able to see another consultant for the first couple weeks

-being constantly attached to the Baby Tracker app, the timer set the schedule for our lives 24 hours a day for a year. I liked having the structure especially in the first few months when life is super chaotic and you have to make sure you get enough feeds in so the baby can gain weight. 

-getting a really bad clogged duct that spiked a fever and having to deal with that while taking care of T all by myself. I don’t think I actually got mastitis (when the clogged duct gets infected) but call your doctor whenever you spike a fever and/or feel a lump and pain in your breast!

Tongue and lip ties

After our latch issues didn’t resolve with practice and help from lactation consultants, we ended up getting a tongue tie evaluation with pediatric dentist and this was the BEST decision we made. The experience was very positive, and T was diagnosed with fairly severe ties.

They were able to revise his lip and tongue tie with a fancy laser that same day (he was around 3 weeks old) and the healing process was very smooth. It didn’t improve our latch overnight, but there was a definite improvement within a few days and by 7-8 weeks we were finding our groove and nursing wasn’t excruciatingly painful anymore.

I would 100% recommend getting an evaluation (and if necessary, laser revision) with a qualified pediatric dentist if you are dealing with painful or shallow latch, your nipples look like lipstick, and you have sore or bleeding nipples that won’t heal. Even if your baby is gaining weight! Our pediatrician and two lactation consultants did not catch the ties since he was gaining, thanks to my strong let down and his skill at chugging like a frat boy at a kegger.

Our newborn feeding schedule and routine

We didn’t follow a set schedule with T but did live life in 3 hour chunks thanks to Baby Tracker app. I tracked our feeds until he turned one! It satisfied my inner control freak during a chaotic season when so little seemed in my control, and I am a visual person so loved seeing the times charted out over the course of the week. 

Every baby and every parent is different when it comes to co-creating a schedule or routine that works for your family. I say co-creating because as much as we can try to control life, your baby will basically do whatever the heck they want.

In my mind, the two opposing philosophies when it comes to raising a baby are (1) put them on a strict schedule, e.g. Moms On Call, or (2) go with the flow and follow their cues, e.g. nurse on demand/cosleep. And then every flavor in between!

There is no one right way to raise your baby. Follow your intuition and do what makes sense to you.

Because I work for myself (and Ben worked from home starting March 2020) my philosophy was kind of in the middle. We were pretty structured in terms of the timing and routine of feeds and naps, but didn’t follow a schedule based on time of day. Basically went off whenever Thomas woke up for the day, nursed every 2-3 hours (based on his age), and followed the “feed, wake, sleep” routine so he was never dependent on the boob to go to sleep. He definitely ended up falling asleep while nursing sometimes because he’s a baby, but I tried to limit that because he always slept longer when he was in his own bed (vs. being held.. Plus baby snuggles are great for 20 minutes but I personally hate being ‘nap trapped’ because I depend on naps for my me-time or work). 

We were nursing 6-7x/day up until 12 months and then gradually started dropping feeds around 13 months. I was afraid he’d be attached to the boob forever, but it happened pretty fast!

He was still waking up around 3am to nurse right up until his first birthday, then gradually started sleeping through the night more and more nights each week.

It’s actually interesting to go back and look at the data from the freaking Baby Tracker app. He was sleeping through the night (until 5-7am) from  4 months  until  7 months… at around 9 months he must have had a sleep regression and started waking up at 3 or 4 consistently. 

We never really “sleep trained” because he slept good enough for me to survive, and I quickly realized that every phase would always pass, so I tried to ride out the tough times and be extra grateful for the easier ones.

TEETH

One of the big questions I had before having a baby was, “how do you breastfeed once they get teeth ??!!” 

Thomas was an early teether. His bottom teeth popped through at 4 months, and for one day I was in total despair, convinced our breastfeeding journey was coming to an end because he bit me a few times and I started to feel so on edge. Nursing a tiny piranha in fear is not fun, ha. I quickly figured out he only bit at the end of a nursing session once he was done, because when they are actively sucking the baby’s tongue covers their lower teeth and it’s impossible to chomp. So just avoid the lazy unlatch! Whenever it looked like he was slowing down I’d pop my finger in his mouth and unlatch him. But overall once the teeth came through he didn’t bite anymore.

What I loved the most about breastfeeding

I know this post is mainly focused on the challenges of breastfeeding but I do want to share what I loved the most, because although it was a rough start it ended up being one of my favorite parts of the baby stage and I didn’t want it to end! I am so grateful I was able to have the experience of my dreams.

The snuggles and bonding are just so precious. I know you can snuggle your baby with a bottle, but what you can’t know until you experience it is how it feels to get the “letdown,” which is when your baby’s sucking (or crying, or another baby’s crying…) triggers a hormone surge that forces the milk to start flowing. For me it felt like a tingly rush and a wave of sleepy contentment would come over me. It’s kind of like being under the influence of a substance, but with a clear head.

The oxytocin and prolactin released during nursing or pumping are very beneficial to a new mom’s mental health, which was important to me because I did go through some postpartum depression and anxiety.

Finally, it was really nice to have regular built-in times of the day where I was forced to sit down and chill, put my feet up, simply BE, and process life. I need lots of processing downtime in order to thrive and be my happiest especially during times of fast change and transition.

And of course the convenience of being able to whip out a boob, not have to wash bottles or pack formula and snacks while traveling or on the go. 

Nursing/pumping clothes

I want to mention that I didn’t end up dropping a ton of cash on specialized “nursing clothes” and it is totally not necessary! I had a few clip down nursing bras, a few clip down tanks, and ended up wearing a lot of stretchy cami’s I could just pull down. By the end I would just wear normal shirts and pull them up because it was the pandemic and so I actually didn’t end up nursing in public much at all. Obviously things are different if you are pumping at work and need to look professional, in which case I’d look for second hand as much as possible since like maternity clothes, you might only wear these clothes for one season.

If you need to dress up, I liked finding stretchy wrap front dresses that are appropriate for post-breastfeeding life too.

When did I get my cycle and period back postpartum?

My period came back around 5 months postpartum, literally the first night we moved Thomas from his bassinet to his crib in the nursery. It’s like my body sensed the baby was gone and immediately went back into go mode. We had been going longer stretches at night between feeds for a while (like, 5-6 hours?). From everything I’ve heard from other moms, there is literally no rhyme or reason as to when your cycle returns postpartum and exclusively breastfeeding doesn’t always affect it. I was actually really happy to get my period because cycle awareness is very important to giving me a sense of rhythm in my life and I missed not having a period for over a year! It made me feel a little untethered to my body and lost.

Weaning

Technically, weaning starts as soon as you start introducing solid foods, but I didn’t really feel like we were officially weaning until we started dropping feeds after one year.

After hitting 12 months, feeling so relieved that we had made it to my ultimate goal!

Our pediatrician said breastmilk was supplemental, not nutritive, going forward and I felt like the heavens opened and angels were singing because it changed the game because the pressure was off my body to keep a human alive, and we could nurse purely for the snuggles and bonding.

At that point we were offering 3 meals and 2 snacks, and I’d just nurse him before each meal and then before bedtime.

We slowly dropped feeds between 14-19 months until we were down to nursing on one side, for 1-3 minutes, only at bedtime. And my supply just adjusted! 

I was prepared to go indefinitely but It ended up being a “best case scenario” in that Thomas decided to wean himself. We sort of did “don’t offer/don’t refuse” except I kept offering because I wanted to nurse, and Thomas started rejecting the offer.

It was a little bittersweet, but ultimately nice to have my body and freedom back! And the flexibility to have Ben able to take over wake ups and bedtime.

Emotions and mental health during weaning

I am actually going to save this for a Part Two of this post, because I have a lot to say about how weaning affected my mental health!

Stay tuned and thanks for reading :) If you made it this far, I hope this post has been helpful to you in some way!

xo Anna

9 benefits of tracking your cycle (beyond fertility awareness!)

Like most women, I didn’t really think much about my menstrual cycle beyond how to minimize period cramps and PMS, until we started trying to get pregnant. 

When you are TTC (trying to conceive) all of a sudden you realize how little we are taught about our bodies, fertility, and hormones. And how miraculous it is to actually get pregnant! There’s a lot to learn and it can feel a little overwhelming.

But what I also learned was that our cycle isnt’ just our period. It’s the constantly fluctuating flow of hormones that governs our entire reproductive system from ovulation to menstruation and every day in between. 

And it turns out our cycle does more than making babies!

Our hormones cause sometimes major fluctuations in our energy, moods, emotions, mental capacity, awareness, how we relate to others, and how we relate to ourselves. 

By tuning into the ebb and flow of our body, we can gain a deeper understanding of who we are and what we need in order to take advantage of our cyclical nature and thrive.

There are so many benefits of regularly tracking your cycle, beyond fertility! Here are a few that I’ve personally experienced:

9 benefits of tracking your cycle, beyond fertility awareness

1. Schedule your life - predict your optimized times to be productive, have tough conversations, nurture relationships, get work done, launch a new offering, think creatively, etc.

2. Plan for rest - manage your energy and know when to push it versus when to unplug so you don’t hit the wall and can avoid burning out or feeling discouraged

3. Start trusting yourself - develop a deeper connection to your intuition and inner authority, which allows you to set healthy boundaries without guilt or people pleasing.

4. Get off the crazy train - understand your mood swings and how to navigate the rollercoaster instead of dreading your “shark week”

5. View your period as a strength, not a curse - experience less stressful and painful PMS or periods

6. Understand your superpowers - tap into your natural ability to manifest what you want and create a life in alignment with your true self.

7. Know when to ask for help or support - and allow yourself to receive the love and support of other people during your low energy phases instead of trying to do everything yourself and burning out.

8. Release self doubt - the more you know about the predictable patterns of your energy ebbs and mood swings, the more you can trust that you are resilient and can handle anything. Just maybe not this week, lol.

9. Develop a deeper intimacy with your partner - the more intimacy you have with your own body, the more you can open up to receiving intimacy with others. Whether that’s physical or simply communicating where you’re at and how they can support you instead of picking random arguments and simmering in resentment that they can’t read your mind.

   And if you ARE trying to make a baby, practicing cyclical self care and understanding what is happening to your body can make the whole process way less stressful and more pleasurable ;)

Learn how to track your hormone or moon cycle in this blog post!

xo Anna

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Creating time for yourself when it feels impossible (a step by step PLAN to hack your schedule!)

The other week I shared an Instagram poll asking what you need to feel some semblance of life balance (or at least sanity) especially during the pandemic, and the overwhelmingly common response was ALONE TIME!

Just some space where your brain isn’t zinging around multitasking between all your work and home obligations (while also if you’re a mom, keeping the tiny humans alive and out of mortal harm).

All you want is some time for yourself… but when you do get a blessed 15 minutes you’re so overwhelmed by choosing what you should do from the 1429348934234 “should’s” on your mental list you end up standing in the kitchen scrolling Instagram until you’re late for your meeting or the baby wakes up. And then feeling guilty that you feel resentful, and frustrated that you squandered your precious me time! It is a lose lose!

Or does it have to be??

(This post isn’t even going to crack the surface of the GUILT that pops up when we *gasp* spend our attention and focus on ourselves instead of our kid/partner/coworkers/friend/dog.)

So let’s chat about taking back control of not just our time, but our brain space, so we can feel rejuvenated in the little random cracks and break out of the constant mental/emotional overwhelm and guilt trap.

First of all, this might blow your mind but you don’t actually have to fill every crack of your day with productivity.

We live in a capitalist society that brainwashes us into believing that our value and worth as a human depends on what we get done, but that simply isn’t true! It took me lots of practice to train my brain to relax and allow myself to simply chill, and especially with a toddler and two businesses I’m constantly three steps ahead to keep the balls in the air … but make sure to give yourself some structured white space in your schedule so you can let your nervous system settle down.

If you’re afraid that you’ll drop the ball on something vital and important, creating a visual of your main priorities can be very helpful in reducing anxiety and seeing that you DO have time to chill and take alone time.

Here’s an easy system to hack your schedule and get realistic about your time management and responsibilities:

1. Print this 24/7 weekly planner sheet. Fill in the hours on the left most column, starting with the time you wake up or whatever makes the most sense to you.

2. On the back or a separate sheet of paper, make 4 lists: 

   • My NON-NEGOTIABLES (the things where you or someone else will literally suffer harm if you don’t show up for it. Think - work, sleep, childcare, eating. These are the things you NEED to do, that no one else can do for you. Assess the NON-NEGOTIABLES and see if there’s anything you can delegate to someone else.

   • what I feel like I SHOULD do, in order to make life run smoothly (clean the bathrooms etc. Be ruthless in assessing what actually improves the quality of your life vs. what you can drop or ask someone else to do)

   • what I WANT to do (for others - like, activities or play dates etc.)

   • what I WANT to do (for myself - give yourself permission to really think about this!)

3. On the planner, grab some fun colored pencils or markers to label and color in the time blocks you spend on your NON-NEGOTIABLES. How much sleep do you actually need to feel your best? Schedule that in, too! Don’t forget to include travel/prep/transition time. Maybe double the transition time you think you need especially if tiny humans are involved, lol.

4. Look at the white space! This is your flex time. You get to spend it however you want. 

5. See how you can fit the WANTS into your white space and block them out.

6. If there is extra space, add the SHOULD’s. If there is no space, drop the ‘should’s’ or ask someone else to do it.

7. Finally, ask yourself: what support do you need in order to complete the WANTS? Communicate your schedule with your partner/support system and tag-team so you can all get your WANTS met, at least occasionally if not weekly or daily.

You can do this planning ritual at the start of every week, use the same weekly planner for a month or longer if your life is somewhat predictable, even do a separate planner for each phase of your cycle. Whatever makes sense!

I love this process because life is always changing on at least a weekly basis, so it gives you an opportunity to shift, pivot, and make sure you’re always making time for the things that are most important to you.

Finding (making) time for yourself

If you’re reading this and still thinking “ok that sounds great but I literally don’t have time for self care or all the things I want to do!!” … yes there are seasons of life where we have to sacrifice more of ourselves. 

But if there is truly no end in sight, consider your burnout a red flag to make some intentional changes in your life. Whether that’s quitting your job, cutting back on hours, getting a new job, or adding more work hours, enlisting in more support or childcare.

Get honest with yourself about how you are actually spending your time. 

Maybe you don’t want to sacrifice sleep to get in a 60 minute yoga class every morning. Can you do a 15 min of yoga 3 days a week?

Can you play around and experiment with your family rhythm and routines so you have space for yourself (can you ask your partner to step in?)

Letting the seasons of life ebb and flow

Sometimes, you just need to give yourself the gift of letting time pass. This is something I’ve learned with having a baby - it seems like they grow and develop through a new phase every other week.

Instead of letting the bad news send you into a doom spiral, or trying to fix your mindset blocks, or hack your baby’s sleep schedule.. Just lean into it and trust that it’s only a phase and won’t last forever.

This also helps me remember to be present and appreciate the good times even harder, because they are passing too.

We live in a culture of immediate gratification.

But it won’t all happen at once.

How can we stretch our comfort zones into letting go of our self imposed timelines and trusting the process?

Ultimately, that is the key.

Trust.

Trust in ourselves. Our kids. Our work. The timeline.

Give yourself patience and grace as it all unfolds.

You are doing it <3