2014 so far has been a whirl of endless snow, dark mornings and evenings, fleece lined leggings, wine nights with girlfriends, dinners on the couch, waffles for breakfast, lots of sewing and cutting lace.
The other day Jenni from Story of My Life wrote a post about running your own small business, workaholism, and balance that hit home because it pretty much summed up my life right now. With the start of a new year comes a clean slate, a fresh start, and a load of pressure to make THIS YEAR the BEST ONE EVER, to complete all the projects and achieve all the goals. I am an achiever and a perfectionist, I am driven by an unrelenting inner fire to be successful at every single thing I do. And I do a lot of things. My main goal for 2014 is to continue to grow my Etsy shop, and I have so many visions and plans about how that is going to happen. But the reality is that I also have a full time job, which means I have to work nights and weekends to sew and list items and promote myself, which turns a fun creative outlet into a legitimate second job that starts affecting my relationships, my mood, and my energy. I think the crux of the whole thing is that I know my success is directly dependent on how hard I work, that the work is never going to be done, and the more "successful" I am, the more work there is, so I guess I really need to re-think what success means to me. Last night I decided to stop thinking and stressing out, and just relax on the couch with Ben. I read an actual book. We went to bed early. I felt like a normal person and it was amazing.
I guess what I'm fully realizing is that life has no deadlines. There's only so much you can accomplish in a day, and that is ok. What really matters is your actual life, the small victories each day, and being joyful and content within yourself so can then be a light to others. I'm learning that balance doesn't mean feeling like you spent enough time on every single role you play, but instead finding peace in the chaos and going to bed with satisfaction that the work you did was good, and that the people you care about know that they are loved.